He's watching The Incredible Hulk

This pic is an edible little boy in the Guatemalan orphanage my mom visited last week. He’s clearly riveted by the show he's watching on tv and doesn't seem to care that a camera is pointed at him. I think this is the third time I’ve blogged about my mom, which definitely makes me kind of lame, but also awesome. It’s all about how you look at it and whether or not you know my mom.
Anyway, she wanted to bring this kid home with her, but that’s not an option, so in a brilliant leap of parental pressure, she’s decided that she no longer cares if I get married as long as I start having kids. She says she can handle the untraditional relationship, so bring on the babies! In response, I went to the pharmacy and ordered more birth control.

There are no stupid questions

What is it that makes a complete stranger dive into an icy river to save a solid gold baby? Maybe we'll never know.

Harry Potter and the Obstacles to Reading

I bought Harry Potter 7 yesterday. It was kind of a hassle to get. On Saturday morning I went to the bookstore across the street and was told “We didn’t order any advance copies. We might get some in next week. We don’t do well with that kind of book.” Um. What kind of book is that? A bestseller?
On Sunday I went to a very high-traffic area of the city to another independent bookstore (I was really trying not to buy this book from Barnes & Noble) and the women at the counter informed me that all of their copies were reserved for people who had pre-ordered and they hadn’t ordered any for the potential walk-in customers. I feel this was a major missed opportunity on their part. Finally I went to a small bookstore on a relatively quiet street and found stacks of the book up at the register. The store manager told me she doesn’t read the books, but she had peeked at the ending of this one to see what all the fuss was about. I tried not to look directly into her eyes, lest any unwanted information pass between us. When I got home, I read 80 pages and then had to go to the roof to explore my alcoholic tendencies. I considered staying home today to read, but it seemed unprofessional.
Jay finished the book in 7 hours on Saturday. See what he had to say about his experience.

That dream...you know the one

Where you're back in college and you're late for a test, or you're walking down the street and you suddenly realize you're naked. The other night I had the one where Bon Jovi, Kevin Bacon, and Kiefer Sutherland are scuba diving, but at the same time commentating an NFL game. And I'm on the boat with my college boyfriend, who I am somehow dating again, which is absolutely horrifying. And I know this will surprise you, but there were no helpful websites to explain my dream to me. As though that's a dream that most people don't have or something. Analysis welcome. In the meantime, I did find out what some other common dreams mean:

Falling: As with most common dream themes, falling is an indication of insecurities, instabilities, and anxieties. According to Freudian theory, dreams of falling indicate that you are contemplating giving into a sexual urge or impulse. You may be lacking indiscretion.

Failing a test: These dreams usually have to do with your self-esteem and confidence or your lack of. You are worried that you are not making the grade and measuring up to other people's expectations of you. You have probably been drinking too much.

Raisins: To dream that you are eating raisins signifies that negative forces and discouraging comments will seek to diminish your hopes when they are about to be realized. (Interesting. I would have guessed iron deficiency.)

Where Babies Come From

My mom is in Guatemala right now with her friend Rachel. They're visiting the 3-month-old baby Rachel is going to adopt. At the end of the week they have to come home without the baby, which I'm sure will be hard. With all of the adoption laws, I think the baby will be almost a year old when Rachel gets to take her home.
Why do I keep calling her "the baby"? Because her given name is Brenda--very Latin America, no? Rachel is going to rename her Isabella or Grace.
My mom says there are guards everywhere carrying guns, but she just smiles at them. They're probably like "Who is this crazy woman and why is she smiling at us?"
I love the first pic of Rachel and the baby. So sweet. Plus, awesome cleavage.

Cover your ass

I'm not sure if this has been widely disseminated, but Kenyans are pissed off because the government is making them put diapers on their donkeys to keep the roads clean. I'm not kidding. This strikes me as an excellent solution to the NYC dog issue, but it has not been a popular decision so far. Here is my favorite quote regarding the situation:

"If we have to put nappies on our donkeys, soon they will say our cows need them too," one donkey owner said.

Nappies on cows? Now that's just silly.

True Story

Me: Do you think Jack Handey is funny?

Rob: Jack Handey?

Me: Yeah. You know, Jack Handey.

Me: If trees could scream, would we be so cavalier about cutting them down? We might, if they screamed all the time, for no good reason.

Me: As the sky turned from a salmon to a flint gray, I thought about the salmon I had caught that morning, and how gray he was, and how I named him Flint.

Me: If I was being put to death by injection, I'd clean up my cell real neat. Then, when they came to get me, I'd say "Injection? I thought you said inspection." They'd probably feel pretty bad and maybe I could get out of it.

Me: You're getting less and less attracted to me, aren't you?

Rob: Oh, you can sense that?

End Scene