Sallie Mae, Take the Money and Run

I called Sallie Mae last week. This is the company who loaned me money for college and then, when I graduated, convinced me to consolidate at the bargain rate of 8.25%. About five minutes after I did that, the rate dropped to 2%.

You see, I was suffering from what is commonly known as "Bonehead journalism major did not take math class in 4 years of college, and will now work to pay off student loan for next 17 years."

So I recently decided I should increase my monthly payment to the education scalpers, and went to their website to do so. It was like informational confetti: lots going on, none of it very substantial. After digging around for 10 minutes, I called the 800 number.

A man answered. He informed me that I could not adjust my monthly payments online. He went on to say that he could not make any changes for me over the phone. In fact, he continued, I would have to email Sallie Mae to request the change.

Not a problem, as I was in front of the computer and am adept at emailing.

"What's the address?" I asked.

"Um...send the email to Sallie Mae," he replied.

"That's not an email address," I said. "So maybe it's Sallie Mae...at...something?"

He mumbled a bit and put me on hold. When he returned, these are the words that came out of his mouth:

"The email is broken. You'll have to write a letter."

"I'm not writing you a letter!" I exclaimed, adding as a defense, "It's 2009! I just want to make a simple change. How is it possible that your website can't accommodate that and your email is broken?"

"Please hold on," he said. And never came back.