The red carpet interviews should be watched on mute.
Hugh Jackman is a safe choice for host. He sings, he dances, he probably won't insult anyone.
Supporting Actress: Penelop Cruz
WHAT has happened to Goldie Hawn?
Penelope Cruz is better without bangs.
Original Screenplay: Milk by Dustin Lance Black
Oh my god, I just Googled Dustin Lance Black. This dude is younger than me. I feel lazy and unaccomplished. Where is my wine?
Adapted Screenplay: Slumdog Millionaire by Simon Beaufoy
Solid acceptance speech. References repression of British men, and ends in a timely manner.
Animated Feature: Wall-E
Jennifer Aniston on stage. Cut to shot of Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie. Rob and I both wince visibly. Because we are so clued in to their emotions.
I think about Dustin Lance Black again. Damn him.
Animated Short Film: La Maison en Petits Cubes
Perhaps I should watch an animated short film at some point. But I just keep thinking I don't have time.
The winner comes to the stage and makes his speech. Rob: "Uh, did he just say 'Domo Arigato Mr. Roboto?'" I look at him like, how racist can you be? Then we rewind. He did say that.
The show has now been on for 45 minutes. "I'm bored," Rob announces. "This show needs to be one hour."
Blah blah blah, more awards:
Art Direction: The Curious Case of Benjamin Button
Duh. I was halfway through typing the winner when they announced it.
Costume Design: The Duchess
I am pretty sure I've heard of this movie.
I decide I do not like Oscar speeches. I just sit here rooting for people to wrap it up without embarrassing themselves.
Makeup: The Curious Case of Benjamin Button
Why are they doing a montage on Romance in 2008? They really needed to make sure this ceremony lasts 3 hours?
Cinematography: Slumdog Millionaire
Ben Stiller pretends to be Joaquin Phoenix. So perfect.
Jessica Biel is wearing a positively awful dress. It's white, like that of many, many other women at the show. But it also seems to have another dress hanging off of it. Bad choice. Sorry.
Live Action Short: Toyland
James Franco announces the award and Seth Rogen starts laughing like Anthony Edwards in Revenge of the Nerds. Real nice.
During a dance routine with Hugh and Beyonce, I Google Dustin Lance Black again. His Wikipedia page has been updated to reflect his new Academy Award Winner status.
Supporting Actor: Heath Ledger
I like the way they're doing these awards, so that 5 former winners come out to announce the nominees.
Oops, Alan Arkin introduces Seymour Phillip Hoffman. "Seymour" raises his eyebrows.
Heath's family accepts the award. Sad and sweet.
Documentary Feature: Man on Wire
Two men go up to accept the award. A little man rushes up after them. He, it turns out, is the acrobat the movie is based on. He balances Oscar on his face.
Documentary Short Film: Smile Pinki
When you rent a short film, do they cost the same as regular length films?
Visual Effects: The Curious Case of Benjamin Button
Sound Editing: The Dark Knight
I feel I have to keep documenting the awards, because I started doing it...but I want to go to sleep. Rob is right, this is boring. I wonder what Dustin Lance Black is doing right now.
Sound Mixing: Slumdog Millionaire
Film Editing: Slumdog Millionaire
Original Score: Slumdog Millionaire
Is there a pattern emerging here?
Original Song: Jai Ho from Slumdog Millionaire
Foreign Language Film: Departures (Japan)
Directing: Danny Boyle for Slumdog Millionaire
I think I should see this movie. We tried to go Saturday night, but it was sold out, because everyone in Chelsea had the same idea.
In other thoughts, Reese Witherspoon's dress is also wearing a dress.
Actress: Kate Winslet
Actor: Sean Penn
"You commie, homo-loving sons of guns...I want it to be very clear that I do know how hard I make it to appreciate me...often."
Movie: Slumdog Millionaire
Is that 8 wins of the 9 awards this movie was nominated for?
I'd like to thank the Academy for dragging this show out, as usual. I will think of you tomorrow when the alarm goes off. I would like to thank Rob for ordering the pizza. Lastly, I would like to thank Dustin Lance Black for motivating me to finish this post. Shoot for the stars, people.
Jack is TWO!
3 years ago