Let me put it this way

If anyone finds part of the newspaper in Scout's diaper in the next few days, I'm not going to be all that surprised.

Make that three

Out for a drive with Rob and Scout:

Me (to Scout): I love you so much. I feel so full--I am in the car with two people I am completely in love with.

Rob: Scout and yourself?

A new obsession

Last night Liz, Rob, Rob and I went to see Margot & the Nuclear So and So's at the Great American Music Hall in San Francisco. Liz and her Rob got me the tickets for my birthday, and we had an excellent dinner at Baker & Banker beforehand.

As you may have guessed, we don't go to shows very often these days. Or dinner. Or movies. Or the shower...well, to be fair, that's just me. Rob manages to stay pretty clean on a daily basis. Anyway. It was a fabulous night and the band was incredible. Their music has been described as chamber pop, but last night they were pretty stripped down and more folk rock. The lead singer, Richard Edwards, came out alone for the encore and did three songs with just his guitar. I now want to listen to their music all day long, Google them and read interviews, obsess over their ages--I still think all musicians, athletes and actors should be older than me, but I've found it doesn't work that way--and just generally stalk them.

It's a good thing I have so much extra time in my day for activities like this. Between work, taking care of the baby, grocery shopping, showering and making dinner, let's take a guess at what will be the first thing to go. I'll give you a hint. It's showering.

Let them eat acne cream

From an article in the New York Times:

[[...nursing mothers will not be allowed to use their tax-sheltered health care accounts to pay for breast pumps and other supplies.

That is because the Internal Revenue Service has ruled that breast-feeding does not have enough health benefits to quality as a form of medical care. ]]

and...

[[A study released this year by Harvard Medical School concluded that if 90 percent of mothers followed the standard medical advice of feeding infants only breast milk for their first six months, the United States could save $13 billion a year in health care costs and prevent the premature deaths of 900 infants each year from respiratory illness and other infections. ]]

It's so funny, because just the other day I was thinking, really what is the difference between the IRS and the medical research community? I mean...can you think of anything?

What the hell is a yoga hug?

Tonight I went to yoga, while Rob stayed home and watched Scout via the video monitor. When I got home, he was in the kitchen.

"Give me a hug," I said, and he did.

After a few moments he broke away and narrowed his eyes.

"What was that for?" he asked suspiciously. "Was that a yoga hug?"

Did they not have the budget to hire a copy editor?

I just watched the trailer for Clint Eastwood's new movie Hereafter, and whoa. Major typo in the text of the trailer--they spelled beginning "begining". I would link to it, but I can't find it anywhere online--the typo isn't in the official trailer. How do you make a mistake like that when you only have about 15 words to read?

Not wrong, just different

So, this is embarrassing, but I have recently discovered (by way of others pointing and laughing at me) that I don't pronounce the word "ancient" like a normal person does. Apparently, the rest of you say aint-shunt. Me, I say aink-shunt. I'm not sure why. I called my parents and made them pronounce the word. Turns out I didn't learn it from them.

I felt slightly mollified when I read in Merriam Webster's that there are two ways to pronounce ancient; both my way and everyone else's way are legit. But no one else really seems to use my way. Where did I first hear this word?

Rob suggests that it was taught to me by my ank-cestors.

Motherhood

I don't have much of a right to expect that anyone is actually still reading this blog, unless you are one of those people who has no short term memory and likes seeing the same thing over and over again, day after day. Is that you? If it is, you probably don't even know...I feel sorry for you. But I'm glad you're still reading Deepish Thoughts.

For the rest of you, I wanted to direct you today to a contest over at Robotic Uprising. Moms, send in a 500-word essay on what motherhood means to you, and Cameron will post it. If you enter, you get a cupcake! Although Cameron will probably eat it for you. But wouldn't it be nice to give Cameron a reason to have a cupcake?

You can read about the contest here, read Cameron's essay here, and read mine here.

The Meat Eater Makes a Joke

Rob and I are ordering food from Burma Superstar. Rob is perusing the menu online.

Rob: Ok, I'm ready. I guess I'll have the tofu with noodles and vegetables.

[I wait.]

Rob: Just kidding!

[He ordered the Burmese Style Curry with Lamb.]

Just Like Her Mother

Rob [hugging me]: You're short.

[Brief Pause]

Rob: Poor Scout.

Me: Why?

Rob: She's going to be a munchkin with an attitude problem.

Drink Me

The oldest drinkable bottles of champagne in the world were found recently on the floor of the Baltic Sea, and are going to auction for about $69,000 per bottle. If anyone wants to get in on that, let me know. i've got about $60 in my wallet.

Partners

Watching The Best of Youth the other night after Scout went to bed:

Me (moved by a plot line about a father raising his daughter alone): Can you imagine raising Scout without me?

Rob (without looking away from the television): Yep.

Sleep

If people were meant to pop out of bed, we'd all sleep in toasters. ~Author unknown, attributed to Jim Davis

Sometimes in the middle of the night, Scout's crying seamlessly finds a place in my dreams, so that Rob has to nudge me gently to say the baby's up, and I say, I know I know, I was just working on waking. Other times, I am up throughout the night, checking the clock, checking the baby monitor, ready for her noises to start. These, of course, are the nights that she chooses to sleep through, and I am too wired to take advantage. I'm being trained, apparently, to be a piece of toast. I don't think I could sleep 8 hours if I tried.

Instead of watching another episode of Glee...

It seems time to post to Deepish Thoughts once again. Actually, it seemed time to do that about...oh, every day for the past 4 months, but I've been a little bit busy with, you know, things.

Rob and I have now lived in San Francisco for almost 9 months--a gestation period--so our final verdict on this round of West Coast living should be delivered pretty soon. I am truly happy being here, especially now that we have welcomed a fat baby into our lives and can explore the city and surroundings with her. On her schedule. At her disposal. The other day we were walking down the street, Scout in the Ergo Baby Carrier, me skipping around trying to get her comfortable, holding her hands so they didn't get chilly, and singing some ridiculous song to distract her from the fact that she was basically trapped, once again. If I'd had some grapes I would have fed them to her while I gave her a back massage. She is so clearly in charge of this family.

Rob has been biking regularly, working up to getting in shape for the Marin Century, which is a 100-mile bike ride taking place in August. Encouraged by this, I have decided to train to be able to run 3 miles without collapsing or peeing in my pants. We'll see how it goes.

Scout is in training to continue resembling Robert Duvall, as she has lost most of her hair in what looks exactly like male pattern baldness. So we're all pretty busy.

The three of us had a speaking engagement last night, wherein we addressed a group of pregnant women and their partners at a childbirth class. We told them Scout's birth story and I think avoided terrifying them too much, mostly because I had asked Rob in advance to please not use the word "excruciating."

I don't want to overdo it on my first post in a while, and I hear Scout singing in her room, where she is supposed to be napping but apparently did not get that memo.

Lakers Win Finals, Ridiculous Interview Ensues

Dude, did you seriously just thank your psychiatrist?

Practice

Last week, I was on the phone with a friend who has a toddler. For good reason, she often spells words she doesn't want her daughter repeating. Example from our conversation:

Friend: There was lots of drama.

Friend's baby in background: Drama! Drama!

Friend: It was total C-R-A-P.

Friend's baby: Want more water.

So, it works, you see. I've decided to practice this method of parenting, but since Scout is too young to repeat anything, I'm going to do it in a slightly different way. Example from a potential future conversation:

Friend: The guy was a total P-R-I-C-K.

Me: Yeah, that fucking sucks, R-I-G-H-T?

I think it will be good to get a head start on this.

Lost in Translation

I'm typically up with Scout at 4am these days, so I often read the New York Times on my phone while she eats. In between stories of car bombs in Manhattan and deadly protests in Greece, I came across an amusing slideshow entitled "A Sampling of Chinglish."

Papa

My grandparents came to see Scout last week and Papa did what he does best: Brandy Manhattans.



And THEN...

Deepish Scout

Motivated by Ellie and The Emerson Show, I'm starting a blog for Scout: The Scarlett Letters. As the name suggests, it will eventually be a blog written to Scout from her mama, but for now will just be photos since her mama's brain is operating at a reduced capacity.

I hope this isn't the end of Deepish Thoughts, but until I start having some thoughts, we'll probably be on hiatus.

The Daily Show

My friend John sent me this link--a hilarious, yet totally infuriating, segment on the US/Russia nuclear agreement.

Since my days consist of feeding the baby, staring at the baby, changing the baby, and thinking about how I used to shower more often, I haven't watched The Daily Show lately. But I really should.

Check it out if you haven't seen it yet. Or watch it again.