Monday, February 23, 2009

Deepish Oscar Thoughts

The red carpet interviews should be watched on mute.

Hugh Jackman is a safe choice for host. He sings, he dances, he probably won't insult anyone.

Supporting Actress: Penelop Cruz

WHAT has happened to Goldie Hawn?
Penelope Cruz is better without bangs.

Original Screenplay: Milk by Dustin Lance Black

Oh my god, I just Googled Dustin Lance Black. This dude is younger than me. I feel lazy and unaccomplished. Where is my wine?

Adapted Screenplay: Slumdog Millionaire by Simon Beaufoy

Solid acceptance speech. References repression of British men, and ends in a timely manner.

Animated Feature: Wall-E

Jennifer Aniston on stage. Cut to shot of Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie. Rob and I both wince visibly. Because we are so clued in to their emotions.
I think about Dustin Lance Black again. Damn him.

Animated Short Film: La Maison en Petits Cubes

Perhaps I should watch an animated short film at some point. But I just keep thinking I don't have time.
The winner comes to the stage and makes his speech. Rob: "Uh, did he just say 'Domo Arigato Mr. Roboto?'" I look at him like, how racist can you be? Then we rewind. He did say that.

The show has now been on for 45 minutes. "I'm bored," Rob announces. "This show needs to be one hour."

Blah blah blah, more awards:

Art Direction: The Curious Case of Benjamin Button

Duh. I was halfway through typing the winner when they announced it.

Costume Design: The Duchess

I am pretty sure I've heard of this movie.

I decide I do not like Oscar speeches. I just sit here rooting for people to wrap it up without embarrassing themselves.

Makeup: The Curious Case of Benjamin Button

Why are they doing a montage on Romance in 2008? They really needed to make sure this ceremony lasts 3 hours?

Cinematography: Slumdog Millionaire

Ben Stiller pretends to be Joaquin Phoenix. So perfect.

Jessica Biel is wearing a positively awful dress. It's white, like that of many, many other women at the show. But it also seems to have another dress hanging off of it. Bad choice. Sorry.

Live Action Short: Toyland

James Franco announces the award and Seth Rogen starts laughing like Anthony Edwards in Revenge of the Nerds. Real nice.

During a dance routine with Hugh and Beyonce, I Google Dustin Lance Black again. His Wikipedia page has been updated to reflect his new Academy Award Winner status.

Supporting Actor: Heath Ledger

I like the way they're doing these awards, so that 5 former winners come out to announce the nominees.
Oops, Alan Arkin introduces Seymour Phillip Hoffman. "Seymour" raises his eyebrows.
Heath's family accepts the award. Sad and sweet.

Documentary Feature: Man on Wire

Two men go up to accept the award. A little man rushes up after them. He, it turns out, is the acrobat the movie is based on. He balances Oscar on his face.

Documentary Short Film: Smile Pinki

When you rent a short film, do they cost the same as regular length films?

Visual Effects: The Curious Case of Benjamin Button

Sound Editing: The Dark Knight

I feel I have to keep documenting the awards, because I started doing it...but I want to go to sleep. Rob is right, this is boring. I wonder what Dustin Lance Black is doing right now.

Sound Mixing: Slumdog Millionaire

Film Editing: Slumdog Millionaire

Original Score: Slumdog Millionaire

Is there a pattern emerging here?

Original Song: Jai Ho from Slumdog Millionaire

Foreign Language Film: Departures (Japan)

Directing: Danny Boyle for Slumdog Millionaire

I think I should see this movie. We tried to go Saturday night, but it was sold out, because everyone in Chelsea had the same idea.
In other thoughts, Reese Witherspoon's dress is also wearing a dress.

Actress: Kate Winslet

Actor: Sean Penn

"You commie, homo-loving sons of guns...I want it to be very clear that I do know how hard I make it to appreciate me...often."

Movie: Slumdog Millionaire

Is that 8 wins of the 9 awards this movie was nominated for?

I'd like to thank the Academy for dragging this show out, as usual. I will think of you tomorrow when the alarm goes off. I would like to thank Rob for ordering the pizza. Lastly, I would like to thank Dustin Lance Black for motivating me to finish this post. Shoot for the stars, people.


Ellie said...

I'm puzzled that there was no mention of eating an entire bag of oranges. Does that mean that is no longer part of your academy awards ritual?

Let me balance that with a slightly more substantive comment: isn't it interesting that top acting prizes have, this year and in recent years, been going more and more to villains than heroes?

And finally, if you haven't seen Man on Wire, you should.

Word verification: drags

Joe said...

I kind of liked the new-look show, but your blog is at least as interesting.

Nina said...

if you throw in that Hugh Jackman is pure beauty to look at, you wonder why he doesn't host the oscars every year (at least until he goes postal like mel gibson- the last "sexiest man alive" from australia)! no offense to jon stewart, chris rock, ellen or whoopi but hugh jackman's got them all in the eye candy department