All the news that's fit to ignore

Today on my walk to work, I passed several newsies (literally dressed in old school newsie outfits—the hat, the vest, the little pants) who were asking if people wanted “a real paper” and handing out The Onion. It was pretty great, because normally I get AM New York on my way to work and that’s just not as fun—the people who hand it out wear regular clothes.
Also, for some reason we are getting The New York Times delivered to our door this week, which we did not order, along with The Wall Street Journal, which Rob does order. I was happy about this at first. Maybe it’s because my commute to work is a 20-minute walk, but now all of these newspapers are stressing me out. I can’t read them and they just sit there looking at me, like “we know what’s going on in the world and all you know is what you heard on NPR this morning between hitting the snooze button and…hitting the snooze button again.” Then they say “You don’t even read online papers, what the hell is wrong with you?” And then when they start getting really insulting, I throw them under the desk. They are there now, in a pile.
My point is that I don’t know how people read a daily newspaper. Much less 4. I do get information from NPR and sometimes I have time to search online for news. But mostly I feel like there is a lot of stuff going on in the world about which I am woefully uninformed.
Luckily, thanks to the newsies and my cursory look at their wares, I do know that a new heart device has allowed Dick Cheney a chance to experience love.