Tuesday, December 4, 2007

Models: you can paint them

Last night a group of Brazilian models came to my pilates class. It was not, how shall we say, entirely motivational for me. But it was fascinating. They were very long-limbed and talkative. One of them crouched down beside the other and I swear to god, she was still taller than me. Before class began, I was outside in the hall staring at them and doing the thing in my head where I go “Stop staring” to myself, but myself doesn’t really listen. When I saw a friend from class standing with her husband up at the front desk, it seemed like a good opportunity to walk away and try to act like a normal person.

“There are models coming to our class.” I said, and I agree with any of you who think that’s not the most normal of the things I could have said.

However, it turned out that compared to some people, I am generally in control of myself. Because that was when I learned a bit about the husband, who I will call Ned. Ned eyes bugged out of his head, and his voice rose as he said something along the lines of “Don’t let the models bother you! Models are just tall, thin, weird-looking people. They’re idiots with heads full of rocks. They’re only important because you can paint them and take their pictures. Soon they’ll be replaced by robots.”

Me, in my head: Whoa. Let’s walk away.

Me, out loud: "Umm. Hmmm."

This actually went on slightly longer than I would have liked and after nodding a few times, I did turn to walk away, 100% sure that at some point in his past, Ned was jumped by a gang of supermodels and given one mean wedgie.


Joe said...

How do you know they were Brazilian? Or models? How were their Pilatesian skills? Where are they now?
How many is a Brazilian?

Jonathan said...

Ok, so my take on 'Ned' and his reaction. There are three potential explanations I want to explore.

1. Cognitive Dissonance: The field of psychology has been exploding over the last few years for some reason, Scientific American now has a special supplement dedicated to new discoveries in Mind research. An old theory that has been getting more and more press lately is Cognitive Dissonance - where Ned made is choice, let's call her 'Linda', and can now rationalize that choice by rejecting all the others he didn't end up with. The altering of what you typically value as beautiful to feel better about the choice you made is part of what cognitive dissonance tries to understand/explain. The url below is a fairly recent NYTimes article on the science of what I am clumsily referring to.


2. Sympathetic Vomiting: It could also be that 'Ned' is echoing what he heard when 'Linda' and her friends...let's call one of her friends' 'Sarah', were flipping through a Vogue magazine and trashing all the models as to how imperfect they are. (Not that women do that sort of thing). By being 'one of the girls', he will not be seen as the misognonistic enemy whose dollars continue to prop up the model industry.

3. A Happy Home Life: Now the real reason Ned was so firm in his assessment of the models. Were 'Ned' to admire the models, using a different tack than the one chosen, 'Linda' may get offended and think that 'Ned' wasn't content with her and her appearance. For a married man especially, there is very little upside to telling your spouse that you find other women attractive. The longer we can convince you that we don't look at other women...the easier our lives become.

Amanda said...

Oh my. Jonathan, are you saying that my own husband, he who comments on this very blog, right at this moment might be glancing sidelong at another woman? And that he may have been doing so for the last 9 ½ years without my knowledge? Well you sir, you have opened my eyes. I guess marriage is more challenging than I ever realized!

Sarah said...

Yeah, there's no way Rob is attracted to anyone but me. He hates models. And all other women, actually. It's kind of embarrassing when we go out and he just walks up to a hot girl and kicks her.

ellie said...

Fitz, there's a disproportionate amount of bitterness and anger in your post, almost as if you were jumped and given a wedgie by a gang of women made insecure by supermodels.

I'm just amazed no one has brought up the fact that many models are hermaphrodites. And that makes for some good paintin'!

Jonathan said...

Disavow my theories all you want, ladies, but I would like to point out that when Brad Pitt, Rock Stars, or puppies are the subject of discussion the site is littered with pictures. When a gaggle of scantily clad Brazilian models in awkwardly provocative poses adorn Sarah's pilates class...the camera mysteriously disappears. Mere coincidence or, to my point number 3, is Eve concerned about tempting Adam with the forbidden fruit in Garden of Eden?

Fitzy: 1
Transparent, predictable women of SeeSarah Blog: 0

Sarah said...

Totally, Fitz. I think it's best not to post pictures of women on the blog. I just don't want Rob to know they're out there. And this is the only site he ever goes to, so I have that kind of control.
Good idea, though. Bringing a camera to pilates class and photographing strangers sounds like a great way to maintain my gym membership.

Amanda said...

Okay, can we just back up a minute? Is Ellie talking about doing some painting of model lady bits?