Four Eyes Sees Again

I got new glasses today. I had glasses already, but I rarely wore them, so they were about 4 prescriptions behind and weren't really that fun to wear, what with the searing headaches and random floating spots. Plus they were crooked.

So I forked over one fourth of my annual salary and bought new ones. When I picked them up at Oliver Peoples, the store manager said, "I'm so excited!" Hmmm...me too, I guess.

I put them on, and was immediately sure something was wrong. "I think something is wrong," I said. [Regular readers of this blog will have noticed by now that there is not a whole lot of lag time between the things I think and the things I say. Occasionally, I consider working on this.]

"You feel like you're in a fishbowl?" she asked.

"Yes." I said.

"Perfectly normal," she assured me. "Just wear them a LOT, and if they still feel like that in two weeks, then..."

She had trailed off, so I filled in the sentence with "Come back here, waving them around and looking for you?"

I walked out of the store in my glasses, and the small step at the door, which hadn't phased me on my way in, was incredibly hard to navigate. I tottered off of it and headed down the street, experiencing what I imagine an acid trip or a Cirque de Soleil show to be like.

The subway stairs were particularly special. I actually took the glasses off and walked blindly down the steps. I had to touch the railing, which was horrifying, but it was that or slide down the stairs on my butt. Pros of the butt slide: less chance of swine flu. Cons: everything else.

And now the world is a beautiful place.