I have somehow angered the food gods. Here's how it started: I was supposed to have a work dinner last night, but it was called off in the afternoon. I was ecstatic, which is ridiculous. The dinner would have been mostly painless, but I reacted to its cancellation as though I had been granted a pardon from the Death Row of awkward office outings. That might be when the food gods decided I was taking them for granted.
Drunk with freedom, I went to Whole Foods and bought lots of fresh veggies to make a big salad. I also got a chicken breast for Rob. Yes, I do eat chicken, but I didn't feel like having any. Little did I know, in the eyes of the food gods, that was strike two. So, I came home, cooked the chicken breast in cajun spices, and made my salad: romaine lettuce, red and yellow peppers, corn, black beans, jalapenos, avocado, tomatoes, red onions, and cilantro. It all seemed fine and I was still riding the high of being home at 8pm.
I decided to get crazy and add some salt to my salad (I believe this was the third strike--unnecessarily salting. They don't like that.) I opened the container and held it over the multi-colored meal that can only now be referred to as a masterpiece, a fiesta in a bowl (mostly because no one can prove otherwise.) And the salt, it just wanted to be a part of that. All 12 ounces rushed my salad like a vegan linebacker on crack.
I should have taken a picture, but I was so pissed off all I could do was dump the whole thing down the garbage disposal and announce bitterly to Rob that his chicken was ready. I admit, for at least 5 minutes I treated him like the whole thing was his fault.*
I made a few quick adjustments to the meal (including pouring large glasses of wine) and we sat down to eat. Rob got up to grab a napkin and it wasn't until he sat back down that we realized his chicken was gone. Smokey, master of stealth, had grabbed it off his plate and dragged it to the floor, where he was lovingly rubbing it with his nose.
So we ended up sitting on the couch eating almonds and drinking wine. I am so glad that I didn't anger the wine gods. They know who their biggest fan is.
*I have since apologized.
Jack is TWO!
10 years ago
3 comments:
That is a stealth combination of hilarious and sad. I would have resorted to popcorn and wine, but almonds will do. My mother told me popcorn was the fifth food group, and I believe her. What do the gods know about salt anyway?
I always thought wine was the fifth food group. Or does that count under fruit?
Wine definitely is in the fruit group. Which is why we can have 4 servings a day. Right?
Oh, and I think John Cusack splits time between Chicago and Malibu. Which, if money were no object, I would do, too.
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