I don't even know what to say about O.J. Simpson. Except that if I were him, and I had gotten away with murder, I would probably refrain from participating in any future activities that might get me locked in prison for life. I don't know, take up gardening. Or see how long you can hold your breath. Even though it's O.J. and he's clearly not the sharpest knife in the drawer, this story is extra weird. O.J. is accused of committing 10 felonies. Among them, suspicion of assault and robbery with a deadly weapon (though most of the people involved seem to agree that O.J. was not in possession of a weapon.) Oh, and kidnapping, because he and his crew went into a hotel room and said that no one could leave. (This definitely means that I could be accused of kidnapping the guests at my spanish fiesta party last year. But, in my defense, I fed them tasty snacks while they were my prisoners.) All so he could get back some of his memorabilia. Dude. Buy it on EBay. This story is from the Canadian Press (why not?) and I especially enjoyed the line: "You can't rob something that is yours," Galanter (O.J.'s lawyer) said. Good luck getting O.J. off the hook, sir. After that, you can repeat fifth grade.